Monday, October 11, 2010

Driving Miss Crazy

I am teaching my 16-year-old daughter to drive. Just starting, really. She doesn't actually have her learner's permit yet, so we are practicing in parking lots for the moment. I don't think they ticket you on private property. She really wants to learn and she really wants her permit. Allow me to be crabby for a moment. We went online to the Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) site to find out where to go for the test, directions and hours of operation.

Monday through Friday from 8:30 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. Not open on the weekends or holidays.

Okay, let's see if I understand. 99.9 percent of all people looking to get learners' permits are 16-year-old high school students who are IN SCHOOL from exactly 8:30 a.m. to 3:30 p.m., Monday through Friday. They are free to have their parents get them to the DMV after school or on the weekends. But wait! The DMV is closed at those times.

Are we living in the Soviet Union? Where is the line for toilet paper? What the hell? Now, since both the public schools AND the DMV are state-run institutions, you'd think they would work together, seeing as they're cousins and all. "You there, public schools!", said the DMV. (It helps if you use the Boris-and-Natasha voices from 'Rocky and Bullwinkle' here). "I see you must keep ze juvenile hooligans until 3:30 p.m. How about eef I stay open until 6 p.m. so they can be driven by parents for their permit tests in timely fashion?"
"That is sounding great, DMV!", exclaimed Public Schools. "And for my part, I vill offer Drivers Education for free to all 16-year-old comrades as an extra curricular class before and after school, to accomodate both ze busy kids and ze worker parents of ze world."

Help! On behalf of my daughter. I taught her older sister to drive a few years back. A closer DMV was open then (since closed, due to lack of caring about being conveniently located to anyone) and she got her permit on the first try. We did have to wait on three lines for about an hour each. Luckily we had all our necessary papers - birth certificate, passport, Social Security card, student photo ID, library card, Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free card, you get the idea. She took drivers ed in the summer before work and passed her road test the first time out. Yay!

Maybe this will happen again. Maybe not. I heard if you fail your test more than once you get sent to the Gulag.

This, of course is my delusional idea of practicality and logic. The Soviets obviously do not agree.


  1. I think it is a plot to keep few teen drivers on the road. I'm also teaching a 16 year old to drive.

  2. Maybe they want her to take her driving test online LOL!