When I was young, I believed all that was told to me, whether I understood the logic of it or not. Being Catholic (and going to Catholic school) taught me that priests and nuns were holy, and, somehow wholly otherworldly. I did not know better.
I believed in Santa Claus, in the Easter Bunny, and in the baby Jesus. I believed in heaven and hell. I never imagined that the priests, (with whom I was often in a dark confessional) were pedophiles, or that the nuns were brainwashed into the patriarchy they accepted. The nuns were called to a vow of poverty (no personal possessions), while the priests were called to no such things. The nuns live in a communal convent, called to non-optional communal prayer, and lived in singular cells with hard beds and shared bathrooms. The priests smoked, drank, had nice cars, had plush apartments, and were looked upon by their parish as the pinnacle of holiness.
When I became old, I did not believe any of it. I did not believe anything other people told me. I was not Catholic (or religious at all), did not see clergy as anything except flawed humans, did not believe the current United States president was going to be a change for the better. More that just a doubter, I have become a cynic, thinking every piece of information or news is false, until it passed muster with my own doubt.
I am old. I don't follow anyone's strictures, religions, belief systems. While that may be liberating in many ways, it is also disconcerting. I trusted these people. I looked up to them.
I am old. I know better now.
